God doesn't like me to be fake, so I have learned.

God doesn't like me to be fake, so I have learned. The post piggybacks off of my last one about safety. This past weekend I was at a youth conference in L.A. which was encouraging because most people were sick of safe Christianity. YAY I am not a total weirdo with weird ideas. That being said this conference was very safe, the worst thing that could of happened was not receiving any free stuff, so I thought at least. God in all his wisdom decided to call me out, saying "Marshall, would you really follow me if things got really hard, for instance if something happened to your child."... Hey God I thought this was supposed to be a yay conference where we all get encouraged, not the place that you put may faith to the test. Maybe God read my blog and thought, "Nice blog Marshall (I know all of you think this too) I wonder if you actually mean what you write? Maybe I should test him." Oh God have mercy on my soul. So for some apparent reason in the middle of a session God was role playing situations in my mind were my daughter (probably because a daughter seems more innocent and relies more on her father's protection) has been killed or was being killed. My type of fun if you ask me...NOT. As I was fighting back the tears in the middle of a class room filled with strangers I expressed my response of losing my daughter because of following Jesus. This is what I wrote. 

My daughter, my love.

A jewel of heaven,

A star of radiance.

Your light now removed 

This world less kind

How unfair

Unfair to have you.

To switch destinies 

Would be my joy.

Why am I to stay and you to go,

No one knows.

My self inadequate,

No power to save.

What a broken world.

What a broken dad.

What a beautiful daughter.

From beautiful God,

With beautiful God,

One empty world.

God knows how messy I am, how broken and vulnerable I am. I can't go back to worldly safety because in my heart I know that there is none. Only in the Son of the living God will I find my strength through the Spirit. Only God can make sense of this messy world.